Last Day at Creme

3 years ago, I did one of the hardest things I've ever had to do as a new Mom: I left my 11-week old son in the care of relative strangers as I returned to work full-time. I remember that day vividly. As much as I loved his daycare and trusted his newborn caregivers, I still was completely unprepared for the emotion I felt as I handed Connor over to his infant teacher and waved goodbye. Connor, of course, didn't even bat an eye as he was left in perfectly good hands. But I was overwhelmed with an array of feelings -- sadness, worry, fear, resentment, and most of all, GUILT -- and left the daycare with tears streaming down my cheeks.

Fast forward 3 years to today, and who would've guessed what a difficult time I would have knowing that today was Connor's last day at his daycare, Creme de la Creme. For 3 years, he has been loved, hugged, squeezed, teased, and flirted with by all the wonderful staff members at Creme. They have all become an extension of our family, and many of them have grown to love Connor as much as we do. And then of course, there are so many amazing friends and parents that we have met through Connor's various class activities. For 3 years, Connor has practically been raised with some of these children -- Benjamin, Kate, Sage, Brady, Grant, Lauren, and so many others. We've watched them grow up together and become fixtures in each other's lives.

Today marked a new chapter in our lives and in Connor's life. I don't know what the future holds, but I feel extremely lucky that my wonderful husband is allowing me to explore my options and consider other alternatives after our daughter arrives on Sunday. So for now, Connor will be staying at home with us as we embark on this new adventure.

I have always dreamed of being a stay-at-home Mom but now that I'm faced with this possibility, I admit I am terrified and faced with many doubts. Will I enjoy it? Will my kids enjoy it? Will my kids drive me insane? Will I meet my husband's expectations? Or for that matter, will I even fulfill my own? Will I be able to keep up with my domestic obligations (I'm a terrible housekeeper!)? Will my kids learn what they are supposed to learn and meet the typical milestones under my guidance? Will I terribly miss the intellectual stimulation that my job has always provided and the career path I had carved out for myself? Will I still be ME?

I know it's natural to face fears and doubts when making any life change. And at this point, I honestly don't know what decision I'll make later this summer when it's time for me to return to my job. A big part of it depends on our daughter and how her arrival impacts our lives. Another big part depends on how well I am able to personally manage my 2 kids at home this summer after (hopefully) settling into a routine as a family. Ultimately, I want to make the best decision for my family. I know that down the road, I'll never look back and think, "I wish I would've worked more." And despite my current state of indecision, I'm so thankful to Jeff for allowing me to make this choice and for supporting me wholeheartedly.

Here are some pictures of Connor at Creme throughout the years.

I think this is Connor's very first day with his teacher, Ms. Gladys.

Here's his first Halloween party - cute cowboy!

Here's his 1st birthday celebration. Here's his 2nd Halloween party at Creme. Looks like he got a little roughed up.
2nd birthday party.

Last year's Halloween party.

Here's a picture from this morning, before heading to his last day.

His buddy Nigel had a Batman birthday party today. And right after the birthday party, the kids got to go to Water Works. It's the outdoor splash park at the daycare.

What a great way to end his last day at Creme!